if we shadows

we're here and still breathing!

whew!
so it has been, like, forever. i know, i know, i suck at this whole blog thing. but here goes again.

we are settling in, sort of, in BC. i have started work and it has been pertty good so far. busy, the people i work with are nice. some frustrations with community medicine in a much smaller hospital/city than i am used to. being able to get a CT or ultrasound between 11pm and 8 am takes an act of God, and learning all the names for the canadian meds (same meds as in the us, just different names) i can't tell you how many calls i've gotten from pharmacies asking what the hell i'm writing for. i feel a bit like a med student again in that respect, just fumbling through a new system. everyone has been patient and helpful but i am quite sure they hear my voice in their head at night asking where to find something or how to order something, etc. some days i am sure they just think i am an idiot, which hopefully after doing this job for 9 years i'm not. (at least i didn't feel like one when i was in the states)

anyway, the kids are doing well. finn is nearly walking. mostly cruising around the furniture and taking a few unassisted steps on her own. sam is great, adjusted well to montessori here, although i don't think it is as good as the school he was in back in omaha. it seems like more simple play here rather than the more educational play he got back in nebraska. anyway, he is doing fine and it happy so i guess that is all that matters. 

our house is a fair bit smaller than what we had in omaha so we are still living in a cardboard jungle. much of our stuff will stay in boxes, i think untill we move again-probably next spring. but i can't find anything!! knitting needles, summer shoes, kitchen utensils. some things i have bought again, so i'll have double once i do dig out of the boxes. 

we just recently went up to a sheep farm about 1:45 north of here. sam and finn got to meet the new lambs, and sam collected fresh eggs from the henhouse. a hayride and scones and lemonde and everyone slept on the way home. so a good day in all. and i bought a big bag of fiber, :) greyish brown and very soft, with alot of lanolin still on the fiber, but certainly not greasy. i have no idea what i will do with it but perhaps in the next 5-10 yrs i'll find time to spin it :>
speaking of which, i did order a new spinning wheel. a 'martha' double wheel from watson wheels right here in BC (out on victoria, i believe) it will be done in about 6-8 months or so.
after i get ahead of some of the bills i left in the US, i'll start saving for my sock knitting machine. (woo-hoo) so maybe next summer/fall.

i have to take the canadian EM boards next spring, so that is not something i am looking forward to, but they have just instituted some reciprocity with american trained docs so i don't have to take all the prelim exams anymore. that would have been an expensive, time-consuming and useless endeavor. 

my niece is due in a few weeks and i just finished a few baby hats for her and am about 1/2way through a sweater for sam  (for fall obviously, it is canada but we still have summer-haha). and have some yarn for one for finn. there hasn't been much time to knit with the little ones. by the time we get them into bed it is about 8pm and we both collapse on the couch and stare mindlessly into space for about an hour or so and then go to bed. occassionally i can muster up the energy for a few rows, but sometimes it is just zoning out in front of the tv.
oh well, all part of the job, huh :) and even though i am fairly tired all the time and don't get to do any of my hobbies as much as i would like to i actually would never trade it for all the gold in the world.

some pics. a

and lastly, i just wanted to note that it, unbelievably, has been a year today that my dearest brother, John, passed away far too soon. not a day goes by that he doesn't enter my thoughts at least once. i can still hear his laugh, his brotherly advice (i don't think i ever aged past 13 in his mind) and see his smile. i miss him constantly and eternally. love you john.

poem

Habitation

marriage is not
a house or even a tent

it is before that, and colder

the edge of the forest, the edge
of the desert
the unpainted stairs
at the back where we squat
outside, eating popcorn

where painfully and with wonder
at having survived even
this far

we are learning to make fire

Margaret Atwood

poem for the 4th annual Brigid poetry reading

still here!

wow, i can't believe i haven't posted anything since october, i am such a lazy loser! things have been crazy...so i'll just sum-up. we are out of our house here in 3 weeks, sort-of homeless for about 8 days (staying with a friend), then up to the great white north the 1st of march, i only stay for 4 days, then i'm back by myself to finish out my shifts here for 2 more weeks. i am glad we sold the house, and without taking too much of a loss,  but this whole moving-out-early is making me a little nuts.
i have moved many (many) times but this is by far the most stressful...think it is a bunch of reasons- distance, whole new country, moving with 2 small children, and 2 dogs, mom going back to NY to live (the kids have never been without her, she truly is a third parent), new medical system, different medicine, blah, blah, blah. anyway, i am excited too. i know it will be great to have more time off to be with the kids, and patients are patients, i just hope that i'm not a "soft" academic and can survive in a busy community ED. i am a bit worried since the last time i worked in a community ED  i was in fellowship and moonlighting and i was practically suicidal on my way to my shifts. i do think that had much more to do with that particular hospital and the terrible situations we had to work in (long story/ies) so i am sure i'll be fine. and i have many friends who do community medicine and love it. they may all just be crazy, but we'll see.
i have been doing virtually no knitting except to finally make myself a hat (my head was cold!) and knit about 6 pathetic inches of a scarf for myself. everything i make is for someone else so i figured i could take a little time for something for me. now that Finn is occassionally going to bed at a reasonable time i have a little time to knit. most of the yarn has been packed away but i did leave myself a little bag of semi-finished projects.
anyway, with more time i am hoping to keep this up a bit better. i've said that before but whatever, i don't have anyone to answer too and i am fairly sure no one bothers to wander over here anymore to look again at some silly 4 month old post
well off to knit a bit on my scarf (i did at least get myself some cashmere yarn...shhh)

who knew?

60 As a 1930s wife, I am Superior Take the test!

civic duty

so i did the early voting thing today. it was crazy busy- i waited in line outside the building for 2 1/2 hours, then another 40 min or so inside. i am glad i did it and i am sure the lines will be much worse on election day.
it was great to see everyone out to vote and waiting so long despite the cold drizzle (it was about 40F, a bit breezy and very, very damp). i am just now starting to feel warm (i've been home 2 hours)
poor W to know that one of the legacies he will leave is to be the president that rallied a previously apathetic nation (at least when it came to elections) into a virtual voting frenzy- just to see a change.
i have voted in every election since i was legally allowed, and it always surprised me when people didn't take the time to vote. i know, the whole electoral college argument, and 'does my vote really count', etc but i think it is not only a right but a privilage. i remember seeing on TV many, many years ago news footage of people who had walked to the poling site in their country, some for many miles, to wait in line for several hours to vote in their country's first ever election. they were thrilled and proud and i was at least a little ashamed at the apathy our people showed toward the same process.
i am not a terribly politically minded person, i am not even a terribly patriotic person. i do know i am privilaged to have been born in a developed country, with many freedoms and without many of the hardships so much of the world endures.
i am excited for a change, i know we are in a terrible slump but i am very hopeful that a new administration will be able to restore confidence so desperately needed to start to turn things around.
so, if anyone still bothers to read this pathetic, seldom-posted-to little blog of mine, please take the time to get out there and vote. i dont even care who you vote for, as long as it happens. plus if you do, you can rightfully complain about the outcome later :)
VOTE!!!!

back in the saddle again

so my maternity leave has ended (much, much too soon) and i have been back to work for about a week now. the ED hasn't changed much, we have some new residents (they start in July) and a bunch of new nurses and techs but otherwise it is just another day in paradise...(drunks, drug-seekers, the suicidal, the disenfranchised, the lonely...oh, and a few medically ill people as well... seriously i love my job)
admin stuff has piled up of course at the PC while i was gone, and i will continue wading through that tomorrow. i have not been doing any work from home over the weekend or in the evenings. i promised myself that the 60 + hour work weeks would not resume, especially after the 2nd kid got here.

speaking of which, i cannot believe how busy we are. thankfully between dear hubby and my mom we have been able to keep both kids happy and healthy, but OMG i am dog-tired.

Finn is doing great. her arm has improved dramatically with physical therapy. although it may never be as strong or have the same range-of-motion as her right, i am sure she will have pretty good function. she sees the orthopods on wednesday, so we will get  better idea of her prognosis then. she has had a bit of reflux and colic, but this seems to be calming down now that i have cut out every trace of dairy from my diet (and oh how i miss milk and cookies, and butter, and cream in my tea and did i mention chocolate? i dream about chocolate....)

the in-laws were down to visit for about 10 days and left right as i went back to work. luckily i have great parents-in-law and not like some of the horror stories i have heard from friends. it was nice having them here and they of course were thrilled to see the kids. they really helped get alot of things done around the house in preparation for selling...painting trim, re-grouting tiles...yup, you don't get 3 square meals for free in this place...you have to earn them...ha ha.

but needless to say i have not been doing much by the way of knitting or spinning in the last month or so. i did get a bit of spinning done at the beginning of my maternity leave, but nothing since.

this woman is a genius of dying and the roving was absolutely fabulous to spin...this is wool and seacell and in the pic has already been pre-drafted. but go check her out on etsy...'creatively-dyed' is her store name

it is navajo plied and summed up to about 200 yds or so

it is much more green in person than in this close-up, and it is soft and squishy and i am pretty pleased with how it turned out

and i did get sam's winter hat, mittens and scarf done as well

but i couldn't  finish the blanket i started for ravelympics...i got almost 3 of the 4 pieces knit (it is EZ's garter stitch blanket from 'the opinionated knitter' )

i don't have any pictures to post yet of that and although i am disqualified for not finishing on time i do plan on finishing it.
it is coming out smaller than i had hoped so i plan to knit an additional border around the whole thing.

anyway, i'll end with gratuitous pictures of my children

on a lighter note

a meme stolen from minnie 

1. Do you like blue cheese? is there anything that blue cheese can't go on?
            yes, immensely. i particularly like it on fruit (strawberries, figs). and yes, i am sure there are combinations that blue cheese should not be part of.

2. Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
        yes, intermittently in high school and college. now i can't stand to even be near smoke.

3. Do you own a gun?
        no, but i am moving to a place where bears (yes, bears) are a problem, even in town so i am seriously considering getting one (and shooting lessons of course will be required as i have never shot a gun before either)

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
        i don't go to sonic

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
        no

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
        they are not really food BUT i do love me a grays papaya with the works in NYC (about twice a decade)

7. Favorite Christmas Song? 
        i love 'o holy night', and 'have yourself a merry little christmas', and several others

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
        hot tea with honey and milk

9. Can you do push ups?
        not without severe bodily harm

10. Favorite movie?
        i have no idea, it depends on my mood i guess

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
        my wedding band and diamond flower earrings that were my mother's

12. Favorite hobby?
        ummm, knitting, maybe? :)

13. Do you work with people who idolize you?
        i have no idea, that would be weird. respect, i hope, though

14. Do you have ADD?
        no, i am hyperfocused, detailed oriented and plan everything and i am very good at multi-tasking, all of those things to a fault as well.

15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself?
        i have a short fuse and a low tolerance for slow, stupid people. i have to get better about cutting people some slack

16. Middle name?
    my maiden name. i never had a middle name before i got married

17. Three thoughts at this moment:
        how can this kid be hungry again, i just fed her < 1 hr ago?
       annoyance at having to rip back and re-start (again) the purple pull-over for finley
        wondering where my hubby and son made off to, and what they are bringing home for dinner

18. Three things you bought yesterday.
        since i didn't leave the house, i don't think i bought 3 things yesterday, although i have recently bought (online) new baby bottles, a toybox for sam and yarn (duh, of course)

19. Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.
        tea, water, milk

20. Current worry right now?
        my daughter recovering function of her injured arm

21. Current hate right now?
        i don't know, i am trying to be more positive about things

22. Favorite place to be?
        home with my family

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
        i worked in the ER

24. Where would you like to go?
        maine coast for a nice seaside retreat, for about, oh ever

25. Name three people who will complete this.
        ???

26. Who's answer do you want to read the most?
         ???

27. What color shirt are you wearing?
        peach

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? 
        no

29. Can you whistle?  like a bird
        no

30. Favorite color?
        right now, green, but i change alot

31. Would you be a pirate?
       arrhhhh

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
        i don't sing in the shower

33. Favorite girl's name?
        finley :)

34. Favorite boy's name?
        sam :)

35.What's in your pocket right now?
        a pine cone (a gift from my son) and a tissue

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
        sam

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
        fresh off the clothesline cotton sheets

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
        i broke my ankle several years ago. recovery from this last c-section has been pretty rough, though

39. Do you love where you live?
        not in the least.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
        one functional, one not

41. Who is your loudest friend?
        i can't think of anyone particularly loud. several are snarky and opinionated, but not really loud

42. How many dogs do you have?
       two

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
        i doubt it

44. If you could marry a movie actor/actress who would it be?
        they are all nuts, i'm sure, but i wouldn't mind a date or two with orlando bloom

45. What is your favorite book?
        i love books, my house is full of them (and i've owned and read hundreds more) it is impossible for me to choose one favorite.

46. What is your favorite candy?
        dark chocolate

47. Who is your favorite sports team?
        red sox

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
        i have never thought about it. i like ani difranco's version of 'amazing grace'

49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
        likely nursing, finn is still confused on the whole day-night thing

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
       i can't believe i slept 2 whole hours without interruption!

that is all

untitled

so my sweet infant daughter has been diagnosed with erb's palsy, a brachial plexus injury that occurred during her delivery, which has caused her left arm to be partially paralyzed. many children do recover partial function so we are hopeful. she will need intensive physical therapy and if she still has significant deficits at 3-4 months, then surgery to try and re-attach or graft onto the damaged nerves.
she is otherwise healthy and alert and gaining weight normally so i know we should still be grateful for her overall health but it is hard not to grieve a little for her injury.
i just hope and pray that she can recover enough function to do what she wants in life.

welcome!

waiting

so after 12 hours of monitoring on wednesday, and hours and hours of early labor, we were sent home to continue to wait; with the change in the weather (a low pressure system) as the cause of my early labor. weird, huh?
but the contractions have lessened in intensity and frequency so i am basically just hanging out at home, waiting for things to rev up again.
otherwise we are scheduled for a c-section on monday afternoon. although i did have one with the first pregnancy, it was unplanned and i was too exhausted physically and emotionally to get too nervous about it. plus at that point it was kind of an emergency to get the kid out. of course this time i have all weekend and most of the day monday to get all nervous and worked up about the surgery. i know i am just being a control freak, but i am finding it hard to relax about this.

i have been knitting, and finished the lace-edged cardigan for the baby. it is my own pattern, top down, raglan sleeve, and essentially seamless. i cast-on and bound off in picot edging which i think looks really cute. i made some i-cords to tie the front together in 2 spots. the lace panel at the bottom is snowdrop lace from traditional knitted lace shawls by martha waterman.
all in all i am pretty happy with the way it turned out, it should fit her this winter.